


What Do I Need With Love?

by DGCatAniSiri



Series: Secrets-verse [3]
Category: Glee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-22
Updated: 2014-06-22
Packaged: 2018-02-05 18:36:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1828241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DGCatAniSiri/pseuds/DGCatAniSiri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A brief look into Puck's mind following the break-up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Do I Need With Love?

Noah Puckerman was not a perky person. No one had ever accused him of that, not even when he was a kid. As a result, he’d never cared what other people thought about him, because he just didn’t give a damn. And that translated to just about everything else in his life. He’d never been the kind to get hung up on someone or some mistake (He was Puckzilla, he didn’t make mistakes, or at least never owned up to them). Hell, usually, he forgot all about whatever mistake he made while whoever was pissed at him was busy lecturing at him. 

And yet he couldn’t stop thinking about Finn and what had happened.

It had been a stupid drunken moment. He’d made out with Santana because he was drunk and she was willing. And, on top of that, it had been Berry’s idea for Santana to seduce him. Puck thought that Finn was blaming him over everyone else. Berry had planned it, Santana had done the seducing, and Puck had just been the victim. Why couldn’t Finn just accept it? He’d treated Puck as if he’d been the one behind everything. 

“There’s a reason for that,” Quinn said when he said something to that effect around her after Glee practice. He stuck around so he wouldn’t have to deal with Finn while he waited for his mother to come and pick him up. Quinn was staying behind as well in a fairly futile attempt to try to mediate between the two – as long as she intended to raise this baby, she’d come to want the both of them involved in its life. That meant that they had to talk to one another, something that they were not doing right now.

Anyone else, Puck would have glared and told them to mind their own business. But Quinn was carrying his kid, and he wasn’t going to be like his dad had been while his mom had been pregnant with Sarah. So instead, he just looked at her, not asking her to continue, but letting her.

“You should have known better. Granted, it IS you we’re talking about. But you knew Finn wouldn’t take...” Quinn paused, remembering her own betrayal of Finn’s trust. “You knew Finn wouldn’t take someone cheating on him again. And you still made out with Santana.” 

“So?” The word was the first thing out of his mouth, but in his head... In his head, he was well aware of the reasons why Finn would kick his ass to the curb over this. People thought he was another dumb jock, but he could think when he had to. He just didn’t have to that often.

Quinn seemed not to pick up a distinction. She sighed disgustedly and turned away from him, seeming to have given up for the day. She gathered her things and headed for the door. 

Puck watched her leave and then, now alone in the choir room, he leaned against the wall and slid down to sit. The rest of the school was gone by now, leaving just him there. He’d probably head to his car in a while, but he wasn’t going to head out to the parking lot while Finn was still out there. That would just lead to awkwardness.

He knew he’d been stupid. He knew that he’d made a mistake. Hell, he even knew that Finn had no reason to ever forgive him.

So why did he still feel so bad about it? He wasn’t supposed to feel bad about this kind of crap. He was Puckzilla, the King of Badasses, and getting hung up on someone like this? Not badass.

Reluctantly, he pulled himself up and headed for his car. Finn and Quinn were still waiting for his mother to arrive. Puck couldn’t meet Finn’s gaze, so he did his best to avoid it, not looking in his direction. He just made it straight to his car, avoiding Finn’s gaze the whole way through. 

His Mom had taken Sarah to her Girl Scouts meeting. The house was empty, which just made things worse. It meant that Puck just had his own thoughts going through his head. He’d left the school before Finn had been picked up because he didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts in the choir room, but apparently, the universe was interested in screwing him around some more.

So he said screw it and went to bed.

Unfortunately for Puck, dreams were no better. He dreamt of him and Finn alone somewhere. A beach, the waves gently crashing against the shore. It was a romantic setting, so probably Finn was responsible for them being there, or would have been if it weren’t a dream. They were in just their boxers, lying comfortable. Puck was nestled in the crook of Finn’s arm, one of his own around Finn. That told Puck he was dreaming, since he didn’t do that kind of romantic shit. Though... that didn’t mean he wasn’t enjoying it, though he’d deny it to his grave. 

“Promise me we can always be like this,” Finn murmured.

“Promise,” said Puck, though if this weren’t a dream, he’d have probably have said something about how much saying something like that made Finn a girl.

But with the saying of the word, the sky above them darkened and the waves turned violent. Finn rose and looked to him with the angriest of expressions. “Don’t lie to me.” 

Puck’s throat went dry and he couldn’t think of anything to say. Even knowing it was a dream didn’t help. It could even make it worse – in a dream, Finn could be like a mutant or something and kill him with his brain. And despite his knowledge, he still found himself scrambling backwards and away from Finn. 

But Finn just stood there, glowering at him. Then he turned and walked away. Puck was surprised that the sight hurt him so much, more than if dream-Finn had done something physically to him. That pain brought him out of the dream. Although he knew that he should just say that a real badass didn’t let himself get affected like that, that Finn Hudson had lost out on the best experience of his life, and it was time for Puck to show the world that his relationship with Finn was nothing but a fluke and reaffirm his heterosexuality by banging as many hot chicks and milfs he could... He couldn’t. Losing Finn HURT.

Was this what it was like to be in love?

Just the thought of the word made Puck scoff. Love? Badasses don’t fall in love. They had sex and moved on, and the women were left wanting more. That was how it all worked. Finn just hadn’t figured it out. Puck couldn’t keep himself to just one person. He wasn’t a ‘boyfriend.’ He was a fuck-buddy. That’s what he was, that’s what he was good for. Hell, he’d always seen love as a sucker’s emotion – love put you out there to get hurt. He’d seen his mother hurt by her ‘love’ for the asshole she’d married (the man who had lost all claim to the title of father), he wasn’t going to open himself up to that. Noah Puckerman wasn’t going to fall in love.

And he wasn’t going to admit to heartbreak, either.


End file.
